Friday, December 13, 2013

44-57 "Why are you eating cheese out of a bag?"

44. You're roommate tells you you have something on the side of your face. After some debate you conclude that it was a string of melted cheese from a meal you had awhile ago...

45. This conversation has happened:

         Friend: I was wondering today at what point day starts

         Me: Hanging?

         Friend: You know. When it folds over.

         Me: When day folds over?

         Friend: Oh. Autocorrect. Fat. Not day. When fat folds over.

46. Your friends have documented the fact that you have liked the Grilled Cheese Admiration Society on Facebook

47. You come out of Walmart and see in your reflection that you have a sprinkle from your donut stuck to your cheek.

48. Your friends joke about increasing their caloric intake before coming out to visit you so their body doesn't go into shock from the copious amounts of food they anticipate eating.

49. You pull your cell phone out of your purse and there are gummy bears stuck to the screen.

50. You have eaten two zebra cakes in three bites and 10 seconds.

51. You have sat post dinner, in physical pain, on the verge of losing your meal because you are so stuffed, and still, you longed for more.

52. When it comes to cake, you believe in 3rd and 4th servings minimum.

53. After staring at an empty Popeyes container, you swear to yourself "Not again". And again the next day. And the next day...

54. You lose your normally polite demeanor when Tasty Burger tells you their shake machine is broken on an after midnight run.

55. You then proceed to drive across town to the next Tasty Burger is search of shake. All is lost when you learn their machine is broken too.

56. Not being able to find a parking spot is the perfect excuse to go to Tasty Burger.

57. Roommate: Why are you eating cheese out of a bag?
      Me: [stares] Why wouldn't I be eating cheese out of a bag?

Thursday, May 23, 2013

32-43 "Do you mind if I clean my plate?" " Only if you don't care that I clean mine."

32. To quote Josh Weed "I don't care what anybody says. Fruit is not a 'delicious dessert.'"  

33. You decide to walk to Popeye' the middle of a blizzard... a legitimate declared state of emergency. 

34.   When your roommates decline taking home their leftovers, you take theirs home for yourself.

35.  You deliberately drive half an hour a way to the city of Peabody to consume food from Sonic.

36. Reuniting with Sonic is indeed cause for celebration. So you order a burger... some tots...some popcorn chicken...and a shake... 

37.   Peanut butter bacon shakes are actually kind of good?

38. Hmmm, should I order some food to go? Half an hour is quite a ways a way...

39 .After leaving Sonic you decide it's a good idea to pop on over to Wendy's.

40.  At Wendy's someone orders fries, so you might as well help them finish them...

41. You're pretty sure your lactose and intolerant. You've lost milk forever but are currently in the middle of negotiations concerning cheese and ice cream.

42. Please don't ask me to split a meal at a restaurant. I may say yes, but I won't be happy about it.

43. Two lobsters rolls in four hours...they were that good.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

"There's something about living in Boston that zaps your will to be a fatty"

25. Your secret motivation for hosting Thanksgiving is access to all of the leftovers.

26. You frequently finish a medium pizza by yourself.

27. When removing your tithing envelope from your purse you find that it is covered in grease stains...brownie grease stains...

28. Sometimes at munch and mingle, you talk yourself (and an unnamed partner in crime) into getting seconds...and then thirds...

29. You often daydream of cooking food during class.

30. You're disappointed by the lack of greasy food that now surrounds you in your new environment.

31. You've actually enjoyed eating a 420 burger (

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

17-24 "It's not a bad thing, it's like a state of mind"

17. You insist on eating the questionable leftovers because, well it's just a waste to throw it away.

18.You freak out when driving because you smelled fried chicken.

19.You hang food coupons up not only on the fridge, but on the walls of your room.

20. Dinner at midnight or later is ALWAYS acceptable.

21. Sometimes you get so excited about eating deli cheese, you forget to remove the paper backing.

22.Bacon is one of your interests on Facebook.

23. Sushi, Bacon, Food, and Eating are all  interests on your Facebook.

24. You recently told someone that being a fatty was a state of mind, comparable to a lifestyle choice.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

9-16 shout out to the fellow fatties who contributed to this post.

9. Your roommate has to wipe her hands on her pants after giving you a high five because you gave her food crumbs.

10. Instead of daydreaming about your new life in the city, you daydream about eating at all of the restaurants.

11. When you're on a date and you reach into your purse to find your keys and find a donut instead.

12. Marinade packets can be found in your handbag.

13. When people ask you what your favorite part of a trip was, your answer is always "the food".

14. You carry a jar of Nutella on the go.

15. You just recently learned that frying Spam in butter is somehow unacceptable.

16. You find food crumbs in your garment bottoms.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Fatty Defined # 1-8

Fatty: Anyone of any size who enjoys food, and eating large quantities of food way too much.

1. When flipping through your pictures on your Ipad, you find more than not, you're looking at pictures of food.

2. When craving cheese, you order Pizza Hut's Ultimate Cheese Lover's pizza, extra cheese.

3. While getting ready for bed you find food crumbs wedged between your skin and bra.

4. When cooking fries, you find nothing but crumbs left on the plate before you've even turned the stove off.

5. The fact that you even cook fries.

6. When you're phone has disappeared, you remember that you abandoned it in the pantry cupboard when you sighted a bag of chips.

7. You can't not finish your food, or else you feel like you let it win.

8. You walk into your kitchen half dressed in the wee hours of the night, because the thought of a chocolate cookie seemed far more important than putting on pants.